As my friends and
readers know, I had a book event in Sedona last weekend. It went very well,
with a very attentive and interested audience. Lots of good questions and I
felt as if I inspired them to write their life stories.
I offered my contact
information and have received a couple emails from one attendee, who bought and
has since already read my book. She offered praise on the writing and the
story, for which I am grateful. In her most recent email, she said”
“Looking at
your face Saturday, I could see you are still suffering. It makes you look
older than your young years.”
Does she realize that I
am 62, not all that young? How old do I look? 70? 80? Is the pain of
relinquishing my child and our rocky reunion really aging me? Or is it just in
those moments when I remember that I suddenly look sad, and hence weary with
age?
I don’t resent her
comment. But I wonder…
I only post photos here
that I think are somewhat flattering, even though I don’t consider myself
photogenic. Maybe I don’t see the creases of sadness in my own face. On the
other hand, I believe that there’s nothing like loss to age one’s soul.
7 comments:
I understand the sadness remark but not the age remark. a) I don't think it's true and b)it seems an odd thing to say.
Yeah, gotta agree with UM, odd. Not unheard of but odd. Wonder if the woman did not have some trauma in her own life and she was seeing it in you. I know that when I attend adoption conferences and such there is a familiarity in the faces of others mothers like us. I see something in their face that I can relate to. A sadness yet a strength. A loss yet a gain. It is not something the non adoption traumatized person regularly sees. The woman may have just been a odd bird but she may have also been seeing herself in your face. Your story gave her the strength and permission to see it.
Yes, an odd comment. But I took it in stride. Old... maybe she meant worn down, which I admit I feel is true at times. I agree with Suz that we often see familiar feelings in others who have been through what we have. Nothing has to be said, it's just there. A few people at the book event reported experience with adoption, but not this particular woman, if I remember correctly. Still, there must have been something she could relate to.
Judging from your pictures, Denise, I think you look great. And you also seem to have a bundle of energy with all that you do. I, too, agree with Suz's assessment of the situation. As you know from my tale of events, adoption stuff has taken a toll on my health. When it became really too much, I stepped back and shifted my focus to the positive things I have going on in my present life. A book I recently read, Sunny Brain, Rainy Brain by E. Fox, has been helpful. And speaking of books, I'm wondering if you have a title or two you might recommend for a young teen reader in my classroom who was adopted as an infant from Russia. I also saw a book called Snowflakes on Amazon.com but was hesitant to order it as I want to be certain that the books in my classroom are realistic.
Hope you have a sunny day today!
Denise, you look fabulous :) Maybe that sadness is seen in your face. I met you in Oakland last year and you were the first mother like me that I'd ever met in person (that I knew of, anyway), it was really a big deal to me. Like Suz said, there's something about the face of other mothers like us, an understanding among us, that shared feeling that other people don't understand in us the way we do in each other.
You are all too kind. I know I look older than I should because I smoke... causes wrinkles, LOL!
Aimee, I remember meeting you and so appreciate your comments. I also remember my first bmom meeting, having never met another mother like me. It was life-changing! I hope you can find some local support. Let me know if you want some help with that.
Gail, I'm investigating books for your student. Nothing definite yet, but you might have a look at tapestrybooks.com. A wide variety of adoption books.
It is only up to you how you feel nice name for a blog I would like to invite you to see mine and maybe follow if you like it http://memarieamar.blogspot.com
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