Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place.
— Steelers Wheel
Rest assured this post will not be “networked” to my Facebook page, as my blog posts automatically are unless I stop them. What I’m about to write is personal, not FB fodder.
You might ask, why then are you writing about it here? Because I’ve always written about deep and personal feelings on my blog, and the only people who read me are those who know and understand me, whether in real life or not.
My son’s girlfriend of just over a year announced on FB that she and Josh are engaged. That’s right. His sixth marriage. He says he’s “almost divorced” from #5. This is pretty much how it’s gone in the past. He marries right after the divorce from the previous wife is final.
I’m SO over approving or disapproving of his decisions. In nearly 17 years of reunion, it’s never made any difference what I thought or advised. He does what he wants. As well he should; he’s a grown man.
His bride-to-be, Brenda, has read Second-Chance Mother (Josh has not, although he gave it to her to read). So she knows his track record. In fact, it was from my book that she learned he was married to #5. He’d told her that they’d only lived together. When she learned the truth, she called him on it and he admitted that they’d been married, but were divorced. She had the presence of mind to ask to see the papers, forcing him to come clean.
Why a woman would continue to trust a man who can lie about something that big, I will never understand.
And why does my son persist in marrying, when in today’s world it’s perfectly okay to live together? I’m thinking it gives him a feeling of security and stability, even though marriage has not proved secure or stable for him. (By the way, he’s been the one who has wanted out in most of his relationships, although he’s very clever at making the woman look to blame for the break-up.)
I like Brenda very much. Enough so that, as in the past, I worry about becoming attached to and then losing her. How to get over that fear? Do I hold her at arm’s length, limit my emotional involvement in order to protect myself — and perhaps her, as well?
It feels strange, not being able to react to what would ordinarily be good news with a level of joy that suits the occasion.