This is only for my blog friends and readers, (and a few personal friends I will email privately). I will delete it from networked blogs that feed into Facebook. (Interesting, well maybe not, how much I trust you not to say anything weird, as opposed to the general public.)
I picked up my granddaughter from school today, spent a couple hours with her, her step-mom and the sibs, then after dinner went to her chorus concert at the high school. Which was great — she didn’t get the solo she’d hoped for, but certainly was among the most animated of the large group. She had a blast! I brought a bouquet of pink and purple flowers for my darling diva.
A couple nights ago, I asked her if her dad was coming. She said, “uh no, I told him about it, but said you were coming.” Apparently, he’s not big on attending these sorts of things, nonetheless I told her that it was silly for him not to come (if he wanted to) simply because I would there. She told him I was okay with him coming, and then told me he was. (I wondered if he would have if she hadn’t said I was coming.)
Yeah, I was a little nervous. After all, it’s been a few years since we’ve been face-to-face. But I figured it would be a good opening into seeing each other again, if that was ever to happen.
I arrived with Jenn and the kids. Jenn saw him pull in and so we waited in the parking lot. When he caught up with us, I opened my arms and hugged him. We chatted casually as we made our way into the building and took our seats in the auditorium.
I wasn’t at all uncomfortable. In fact, I loved seeing him — the son that I have loved for almost 42 years, even though we’ve had our problems. The mirror in each other’s eyes. Hearing his laugh and laughing back with him. The old longing to be with him was back, although yes, shadowed by unfortunate recent history, and the fear and mistrust that that has brought.
I could tell that he was bored as the concert progressed. After about an hour, he said he had to go do something, didn’t know the concert would last that long. He asked if I was going to hang around after, and I said, no, I would take Naomi bacl and then head home. I was surprised that he didn’t want to hang around and have a few private moments with me… and yes, maybe relieved. Maybe this was just enough for now.