TOO MANY

There are too many of us. Mothers who have lost children to adoption.

I think I liked it better when I thought I was the only one. Which didn’t make any sense, since I knew lots of people who told me they had been adopted. Where were their mothers and why didn’t anyone mention them? It didn’t occur to me.

For so many years, I didn’t know reunion was possible. I believed what the judge told me, when I signed the relinquishment papers, that I ceased to exist and must never attempt to interfere in my son’s life. I only imagined seeing him again, in the deep recesses of my mind.

The mothers I met when I joined my first support group in 1997 were a mere tip of the ice burg. I thought to myself, “okay, so there are a dozen of us, a few dozen.” I had no idea.

Then I started reading. Why, if there were only a handful of mothers, would there be so many books, by both birthmothers and adoptees? Imagine my surprise to learn that there were more than a million mother separated from their children through adoption in the Baby Scoop Era alone, and that this trend (deeming young unwed mothers unfit to parent) continued long past Roe v. Wade, that there are more than six million birthmothers in the U.S. alone. And growing… because young unwed mothers are still being pressured by adoption agencies (and society?) to give up their children, simply because of their age and financial condition.

And yes, children who lost their mothers, their families of origin. For no good reason. We could have stayed together. My son is an excellent example of how this impacts the life of a relinquished child.

There are some very content birthmothers and adoptees out there. At least they say so. But there are also many who want to reunite, who want their sealed records opened (very few states allow for this). So that adoptees might know their truth, where they came from, their roots and medical history. And mothers and other family members might know that their child/grandchild/niece/nephew/cousin/whoever is alive and well.

If you have not yet explored the impact of adoption, please read the books I recommend on my website. Resources